My name is Varsity, Vess to my friends, and I am a 23 years old aspiring actress. I love the smell of expensive perfumes, luxurious champagne, dry cleaned clothes and newly printed money. Acting is quite a competitive business to be in, you have to stay in good shape in order to beat your rivals and to impress your critics. Strict diet, extensive exercise regime, but it's definitely all worth it. I find I don't really get time to relax as there is always too much to do, too many people to see. Sometimes, when I am in my room I can unwind. That is my sanctuary, where the heels and the make up come off, the fancy clothes are thrown on the floor and I can finally be me. Me. I have almost forgotten who "me" is.
Okay, so my name isn't really Varsity...it's Sarah, Sarah Alton; plain I know. I am actually 27 and am scared of getting old. More than that, I am scared of getting old alone. I fear that no-one will love me, care for me; of course they say it all the time in the business I live in ' love you darling' , but it's all lies. There are a lot of lies in this line of work, I've first hand knowledge. I've told everyone I am happy for as long as I can remember and I am almost starting to believe it myself.
Underneath the external confidence and raucous laugh I am terribly self conscious. Strip me of my expensive clothes and layers of makeup and there is nothing I am truly proud of. All of my material possessions mean nothing to me, the only thing of importance is a small rusted broach that my mother gave me, with her hopeful wish that I would grow up to be someone she could be proud of. At night I lie awake and think of how I stole her heart, frivolous with the love that she pored over me. I think back through the years, searching for the point when I lost myself but it is too far gone to remember.
TEXT by Gina Mortlock + IMAGES by Lucy Mcririck