The thing that makes me saddest is that you will never know the truth. The roses have all wilted and died now, did you know that? It’s as if they knew. They knew your time was up and they went with you. Are there roses in heaven? I hope so. I am sorry I could never speak to you when you were alive, I am sorry I am so much of a coward that I had to wait until now. When you can’t say anything back. It is cold out here, and you know I feel uncomfortable around churches. To make matters worse, all I can feel behind me is the church and ahead of me there’s only those damn woods you loved so much. But, well, I guess that’s why you chose here, isn’t it? Makes sense to me now, even if it didn’t when it mattered. I kept your dress, you know. Your mother asked me to, but I was going to all along. It’s still in amongst my suits in our old wardrobe and every day I have to see it, but I have no intention of getting rid of it. It reminds me not to make the same mistakes I did with you again. Because the truth is, you didn’t know … well, you never knew for one second how I really felt. And you know, I wanted to say this in the last few weeks that you were still here. You looked so scared all the time … did it hurt? Does dying hurt? It looked like it hurt you. And I wanted to make it better, I did. I would have done anything to help you. But here it is, love, here is the truth you should have known all along. I do love you, I promise I do. I should have told you every day, you should have known just what you mean to me. I am sorry I never found the time.
TEXT by Kirsty Smellie + IMAGES by Fiona Purves